Wait, there's a new Supergirl movie?

I would like to point everyone to the DC Women Kickin' Ass entry regarding the newest "Superman/Batman" movie. Which, by the way, is actually about Supergirl.

Read the entry here.

I know DC has issues with how they market/treat female characters, but this is ridiculous. Because Wonder Woman sales weren't up to par, they chose to market this movie with Superman/Batman in the title.

So what. If Green Lantern didn't do 'as well as expected,' what were they going to do? Stop marketing with white males in the forefront? Doubtful. Not only is it money grubbing, but incredibly sexist and offensive to the female readers that DC seems to forget that it has.

And if I remember correctly, these "poor" Wonder Woman sales are also the reason they shelved Batgirl: Year One.

I call bullshit, DC. Stop perpetuating this idea that no one wants to read comics/see comic movies about females unless they are "skanky."

a public service announcement you should all listen to from zp and the vgvn.

Hey, American gamers: check out this special psa from Zero Punctuation.



Now click on the shiny link and do your part.

bioshock infinite: gameplay video.

MARVEL WITH ME, ROMANCERS.

Catwoman: Damsel in Distress?

Okay. Let's talk about Catwoman for a moment, shall we? The solicit for GSC #17 reads:

Catwoman’s been kidnapped, and now Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn must team up with Talia al Ghul and Zatanna to free her before she gives up her most valuable secret – a secret that will force Talia to desperate measures.

Selina kidnapped again? Is it just me, or has Selina been written a lot less stronger than normal (with the exception of maybe some guest starring roles in other Bat-books).

I know she got kidnapped in Heart of Hush, and okay. I can deal with that. But again? Not to mention in World's Finest, she got chained up and then LEFT by Batgirl (and they supposedly have a decent relationship).

Then they did that whole weird arc in Sirens with her sister (in which one of the covers showed her beaten with a chain around her neck).

I always viewed Selina as extremely cunning and capable, and it seems to me that that aspect has been toned down a lot lately. Remember in the villains special when she totally one-up'd Hush? THAT'S the Selina I remember.

A friend said "There's only so many times you can screw over the same character." We're both hoping maybe this solicit is just DRAMA and things turn around and she ends up saving herself. Please?

bioshock stuffs.

It's been about a literal month since we last posted, so here I am, proving that once again the second I start a project nothing actually ever comes up until everyone's forgotten. XD

But today, it's all about BIOSHOCK.

First, the Protector Trials review.

Basically, it's just a bunch of challenges with limited load-outs that you can't change for little art bits and bobs that'll interest people like me (art-freaks, or Deco people) but has absolutely nothing to do with the story and isn't actually a reward. All of the challenges are fun but wildly easy to pass, whether or not you get all the ADAM possible, and quite often it'll wait until you've either been lulled into a sense of self-accomplishment for being such a badass or are so far up shit creek that not even a paddle will save you before royally destroying you and sending three or four Alpha series your way. It's RIDICULOUSLY unbalanced but it did help my game and I found it fun, so it's really just a "ymmv" moment.

I'd say go get it if you've ever wanted to just wantonly destroy shit without any remorse, but be away that sometimes it's brutal and sometimes it's too easy.

NOW ONTO THE SMASHING NEWS OF TODAY:

Watch this trailer in HD. SERIOUSLY. It's amazing. Full-screen it, too. Totally worth it. :3



I am pretty fucking excited about Columbia, I'm not going to lie. It looks refreshing and interesting and original, and for something in an already established series? That's fantastic. Not to mention, the graphics are *beautiful*, and it's not destroying Rapture any further.

review: the last airbender

The poster was actually pretty cool. I especially love Aang's airbending curling up his staff like smoke.

I'm doing this with as little spoilers as possible, but there's the possibility something small slips out. If you're worried about it, you've been warned. Otherwise, you should be fine.

I also want to say that I walked into this movie fully prepared to like it for what it was. Don't blame me for bias - I'm one of those people who likes both Wonka movies for what they are, regardless of how badass Wilder is as Wonka.

Now, it's no secret that I'm a huge Avatar: The Last Airbender fan irl. I love the animation, the characters, the themes, and the fact that a children's show is so deep and meaningful, especially towards the end. SO, if you're not an Avatar fan, let me sum it up for you:

It's a movie about a world where there are four types of "Benders" - Earth, Water, Fire, Air - and one bender who is capable of bending all four at once. He's the Avatar, and he's there to keep balance in the world. Throughout the movie, the Airbender Aang, the last one due to some serious douchery from the Firebenders (who've started a war) and an accidental SNAFU, begins learning to bend Water and goes to the North Pole to stop it from getting destroyed (in said war).

From a purely movie-going standpoint, the fight scenes are freaking cool (especially during the Blue Spirit and North Pole sequences), HOWEVER: the writing is *atrocious*, some of the cinematography is groan-inducing, the actors are ill-fitted to their parts (with only two exceptions) and everyone keeps pronouncing "Avatar" "AHvatar", which is really off-putting. From a purely movie-going standpoint, this movie is atrocious.

From a fan of the series, however, this movie is BEYOND atrocious. It's the sort of movie you cringe all the way through because it's just so painful. First off, the butchering of the races of the world is horrible enough in its own right, but I'll leave Racebending here for the truly curious on hearing this argument right (seriously. They're awesome. Check it out).

The worst offense, to me, about this movie? How Katara was portrayed.

In the cartoon, Katara is a strong, motherly girl of 15 who comes into her own as a Waterbending Master throughout the series and who would do anything to stand up for what she believed in. She was annoying at times, but she was also a motherfucking BADASS when it came to bending. She was fast and vicious when she needed to be, and she was a master in the truest sense of the word.


Kudos to the artist. See? She's freaking amazing.

In the movie, she's a complete and utter waste of space.


Yeah, not so much.

Not only is she a gray blob completely devoid of any form of fight or spark or personality, she's a completely useless bender. There's a fight where a Firebender (avoiding to say who as to avoid spoilers, but know they're good) is standing in front of her with a fire in front of him (for M. Night changed it that Firebenders had to have fire nearby to bend, which is fair enough and worked in context) and she is SURROUNDED by water. She's in an OASIS. And she doesn't put out the fire. Not only does she avoid putting out the fire, but she totally fails at bending as a whole and can't even block a simple switch-around.

Compared to the show, this fight? Goes on for nearly an hour in the show. (Not all seen, obviously, but still.) And she gives damn near better than she gets. She only loses because the moon (which, for non-fans, strengthens Waterbending) disappears and the Firebender she's fighting can stop her before she can get used to it again.

What.

The hell.

All of the characters have been given an entirely hideous down-grade in character, which is absolutely horrible for a movie based on a show completely driven by strong characters. The only two anywhere near their based characters are Aang (who was AMAZING, actually) and Iroh. There were moments where Sokka (who was actually named Sohka in the movie, and Aang was Ahng. I know, right? Also, Sokka was horribly cast, but that's nothing new for this film) -and I mean actual SOKKA, from the show - would shine through, but then the actor would go back to being as bland as possible. The Firebenders were a JOKE, completely destroying that sense of faceless fear one would feel when they saw the silhouette of the Firelord by giving him a completely bland face.

It was, all in all, a tragedy.

Don't waste your money on this movie. Please. It's really not worth it.

Will the star spangled panties be missed?

So by now, news has spread that Wonder Woman is getting a new look. Whether it's just for this new story arc or not has yet to be determined... but what we CAN see is that is has caused quite a stir.

My opinion? I like a lot (especially those kick ass gloves). I do appreciate the iconic blue panties for what they are worth, I even own a pair, but this is something new and fresh... and from what I've seen? Wondy needs it. With everything that's been going on in Batman's world (Batman RIP all the way to RoBW) and the new events going on with Supes (New Krypton, War of the Supermen), Wonder Woman has kind of been pushed under the radar. She needs her time in spotlight, and this may be it.

However, a lot of people are pissed that DC would get rid of something so iconic, but I kind of agree with what Jim Lee has to say on the whole ordeal:

“When these characters become so branded that you can’t change things, they become ossified.” (NYTimes.com)

Do you really want your comic characters staying exactly the same for 70 years? That's boring. I mean, they should retain their basic character, yes. But it's how these characters roll with the changes that make them interesting (providing they are handled by decent writers). And, besides on novelty items and t-shirts, where has Wondy been the last few years? Sure, she had an animated feature, which I'm sure delighted fans... but in the comic world? Wondy's new author, J. Michael Straczynski, put it bluntly:

"[...]for the last few years, the book has been in free-fall despite some really good storytelling from Gail. The character was big, but the world got small around her, if that makes any sense...insular, confining her more than the bracelets. So much time had been spent on her supporting characters and the mythos that it kind of backed her into a corner, to the point that the only way to get her out of the corner was to dynamite the wall behind her. So the challenge was, could I take her up to the sales she deserved to receive, and give her a world that could showcase her strengths?" (ign.com)

I couldn't agree more. Wonder Woman needs something new and fresh to get people caring about her again. Even if you don't like the costume? This has got people's attention. Maybe enough to get people reading her more (with the exception of jaded fanboys/girls who won't even give it a chance... because GOD FORBID you read something without Wonder Woman in spankies).

Whether the story will be good or not and whether this is still the Diana we know or just a new character DC is "calling" Wonder Woman? Well, I guess we'll see. But that's an entirely different blogpost.

.......And were people this pissed off when Robin lost the short shorts?

(Quotes taken from The NY TIMES and an IGN.com interview)

For all you Pokefreaks out there...

So everyone I know has been playing Pokemon lately (mostly due to the "new" HeartGold/SoulSilver remakes) which I think is awesome. So for those of you who DON'T know....

There's a free Jirachi give-a-way right now.

(Look at him, you know you want one).

I was told this was a "summer" thing, so I'm not sure how long this is going to last... but if you want one? Here's what you do (providing you have wi-fi):

1.) Grab your DS, turn it on, start up Pokemon. That's a given.

2.) On the main menu, scroll down and hit MYSTERY GIFT.

3.) Choose receive from Nintendo WFC.

4.) Start the game and go put your least favorite of your 6 Pokemon in the PC.

5.) Go to a mart, talk to the green delivery man and get everything you have ever dreamed of.

Seriously, this little guy is STRONG. And since he's technically traded? He levels up FAST. I gave him the Exp. Share thing to hold, too.... because that always helps.

Oh. And YOU'RE WELCOME. ;D

because apparently i can't help myself.

I just have to reply with my own ideas to this stuff.

First, read this blog entry about girl gamers. This is the important part, so actually read it. (Also: I don't give a flying fuck how famous she is/thinks she is.)

A note: this blogger needs a serious... something. She thinks Alan Wake is the scariest goddamn thing to come out of a human brain, and while, yes, I did play it at 4 in the morning, and yes, there were odd noises in the house timed almost perfectly to make me panic, it wasn't all the game. Not only was it not all the game, but it's not like I hadn't seen most of this crap before/expected most of the "twists" from the second the game started. The freaky shadow-speak was scary the first three hundred times, but once the Taken decided collectively gang-raping me it was just annoying the fourth or fifth time through the same fucking scene. The terrifying rape-gang that would come out of every possible exit when you picked up a box of bullets in a house in the forest was terrifying the first time, but once the game decided to bumrush you every time you found three more bullets, I just stopped picking stuff up. Cmon. I'm no stranger to scary shit (I fangirl over it, for god's sake, and in this blog even), and Alan Wake...? Really? (Not to mention she apparently doesn't know how to fight the trolls in Fable II, as I thought they were damn near the easiest boss battles. They don't move. How do- okay, never mind, back on track.)

So, assume everything here is AFTER a grain (er, shaker) of salt. I'm looking more at ideas than follow-through, as the latter is something she needs serious help with when it comes to arguments, a dangerous combination with her flawed ideas.

"Flawed" is used here not as an insult but as an apt description. She puts forth the thought that a "gamer", a legit gamer, is someone who's put in the work, someone who's passionate, someone who's got a legit claim to their little piece of video game fame. Except, she can't just say this, and her argument ends up like sounding like "you're not a real gamer unless you know a shitton of pointless gaming trivia".

Which, okay.

Yes, I can name a hundred different facts about developers, publishers, gaming hubs, etc etc. Yes, I do have half of the Drunken Moogle's drinks committed to memory. Yes, I can quote Yahtzee on the spot. Yes, my favourite game is one no one has ever heard of. Yes, I can tell you a bunch of ridiculously pointless facts about how this developer went down and this game was originally this game and etc etc no one cares. But that's not why I think I'm a gamer, nor does that interest most people, NOR does it elevate me from "person who plays games" to "gamer", by her definition. That's just overall accumulation from veritable years of my life spent gaming.

That, quite frankly, means not even a grain of shit.

I agree that a gamer is someone who's passionate about video games, puts in the work and has fun. There are, of course, "levels", because human beings are stupid and petty (and don't think I'm not including myself in there, because I can shittalk like no one's business even if I haven't played the game in question) and have to out-do everyone around them. There are professional gamers, gamers who are paid to game; there are "professional" gamers, gamers who think they're hot shit just because they can snipe you from any angle on a map; there are "underground" gamers, casual gamers, pokegamers, and on and on and on. There are people (as loathe as I am to admit it) who've never heard of the game Vexx, who've never played it, who still play games.

I'll agree that there are people who play games and people who are gamers, but that's not a definition anyone should try shoving down anyone else's throat. Everyone'll have their own opinion on it, as is the human way. Just accept that some people are hardcore and other people are going to mock them for it.

as if to answer my hatred with vitriol...

Nintendo pulled the dickiest of dick moves.

I know most of you don't know my epic love for Chris Redfield, so let me proclaim it: he is the reason I enjoyed Resident Evil 5 so thoroughly. He's on my top 20 list of coolest characters around. He's one hell of a badass, no matter how dippy he is from time to time.

I adored RE5. Yeah, the writing sucks. Yeah, the controls could be better. But I fucking loved that game. It's fun to play, it's campy as all hell and once I got used to the controls, I promptly began kicking so much ass that I just couldn't put it down.

Not only do I love Chris, but I love his VA, Roger Craig Smith - an aside: I'm kind of a voice acting geek -, who was Chris, obvs, and Ezio Auditore. So, the announcement that Chris, voiced by Roger, is going to be in a game? Usually send me into fits of girlish joy.

... And now, there's Resident Evil: Revelations, slated for the 3DS.



I am full of rage. Twenty bucks says it'll be strictly 3DS-only.

Fuck you, Nintendo. Just... Fuck you.

the obligatory e3 post.

Whew, been a while. Thanks to my buddy burts here for kicking me in the ass.

First off, FUCK YOU, NINTENDO. The 3DS? Really? REALLY!? How many DSs are you going to throw around until you fucking decide on something and actually do it?! Also, how many different kinds are you going to demand I buy just to get their specialized games? You assholes need punched. What happened to the days of the GBA - hell, even the GBC? Where there was ONE form of game cartridge, where it only came in different colours or models, where the newest thing was a fucking backlight!?

I want to come to see you, Nintendo, and I want to kick you all in the balls.

Moving on.

First, I just want to say, the new Marvel VS Capcom looks FUCKING AMAZING.



I'm a huge DP fan and a huge Chris Redfield fan, and the idea of playing both of them on the same team is enough to make my head explode with JOY.

Second, Portal 2. See caps lock for MVSC.

Here's the new trailer. Below is some gameplay stuffs.



Watching it totally took my breath away.

Also, the new Xbox Elite looks fucking BOSS. However, Kinect... Okay, I'm not going to say I'm not excited for the ideas behind it, and for the implications it could bring should it become the Jesus of movement-based gameplay, but when it comes to video games, I don't want to jump up and down all the time. I play because I like relaxing. I play it to clear my mind. I like having a controller in my hands. If it can make it seem like I have a lightsaber, fuck yes I'll destroy things with said lightsaber. However, the idea of it becoming an all-encompassing gaming tool that countless games are developed for? Not so hot on it.

Don't be Nintendo, Microsoft. Make a cool toy, but don't make it mandatory to playing. I'd hate to defect to the freakin PS3.

Happy Comic... Thursday.

Memorial Day pushed comics back a day, making Thursday comic book day. So... Here's what I'll be picking up tomorrow (or not).


DC

Picking Up

Red Hood: Lost Days #1
**PICK OF THE WEEK**

Seriously guys. If you know me, which I know some of you do, you should've seen this coming. Jason Todd is getting his own mini-series. And it's written by Winick... who created the modern Jason to begin with. AND it's in the past, so it's none of this new retcon red hair (that he died when he was dead, apparently) weird stuff. Yes. Please.

Brightest Day #3

This has been a liiiittle less stellar than expected, but issue 2 was better than issue 1, so I'm hoping that trend follows. Plus, I really want to stay on the up and up in the DCU... and it seems like you have to read this to do that.

Red Robin #13

I love, love, love Fabian Nicieza and I'm soooo excited to have him on this book. Plus, Yost left RR in a good place and made him not so broody. Which is good. We get enough of that otherwise.

iZombie #2 (Vertigo)

Omg, this title is amazing. I was really worried it'd be your general, lame "MMM BRAINS" book... but it's more like... these are interesting characters who just HAPPEN to be zombies/ghosts/werewolves.

....And everything else I'm just not interested in. No specific WTF I'm not reading that or I give up this things for DC this week.

Marvel

Picking up:

Avengers Prime #1
This is really out of sheer curiosity. And because I'm totes interested in this new Steve Rogers direction.

Hawkeye and Mockingbird #1

This is more me trying to learn more about Marvel characters.... so I jump at a lot of #1 issues.

Getting Left Behind
X-Campus #1
What. This sounds like X-men Evolution. Which I didn't enjoy at all. Cyclops is already whiny, I don't need a teenage version of him.

review: alan wake

As I've just spent literally all night playing this game to finish it, I think it's time for a review. Let me point out that any review you'll ever read is bound to have some, even if they're tiny, spoilers, so if you haven't played the game and you're worried one single nanosecond will be spoiled, you've been warned.

Now.

When Alan Wake was originally announced, I must admit - it looked fucking awesome. It was like a crazy mix of Twin Peaks and Silent Hill, which, while I'm not the biggest SH fan, I am a huge Peaks fan, and it seemed to lean more towards Lynch-esque crazy. If I'm a fan of anything, it's Lynch-esque crazy. So I downloaded the special webisodes, and damn, they looked even better. It made the entirety of Bright Falls looks like it was going to be the greatest mindfuckery of this year (and quite possibly the next). I was so prepared for this game to live up to all the hype.

And then I played it.

And now, here we are, and I have to say: I regret spending so much money on this game.

First: ADS. ADS ADS ADS. I've never seen so much stupid product placement in my life. A game should not be a commercial for Verizon Wireless, TiVo and Energizer. THIS IS NOT HOW WE DO THINGS.

The first half of the game was a slog. Literally, that's what it felt like. For the first 3 chapters, it felt like I was wading through waist-deep water in a dark basement and armed with stupid controls. The entirety of the game has stupid controls. I kept throwing flashbangs - not good to just waste, might I add, for those who haven't played - and flares left and right instead of picking up anything or running or doing something generally more useful than wasting all my ammo. To reload faster you had to mash the reload button, but this usually just ended in Alan getting his ass shanked while he had a little reloading seizure, jerking physically up and down in place. The driving portions were so ridiculously involved that it didn't make sense - the left trigger was break/back-up, the right trigger was forward, and then there was a button to juice the lights (and kill the battery) and and and... I'll admit, the controls, while ridiculous, didn't make the game unplayable, but that they were ridiculous to begin with is a mark down.

Now, I don't mind spoilers, personally. I usually go looking for them, as a matter of fact. But the single most obnoxious thing about this game was that it spoils itself, and not just a few seconds before it happens - it spoiled up to an hour of gameplay later. This is especially obnoxious in a game that is supposed to be a thriller. It tells you exactly what's going to happen - how is this supposed to bring about thrills? How is this supposed to scare you? Within twenty minutes I'd stopped even caring about the manuscript, preferring the unimpressive plot twists to play out as they should.

Which, the idea of a manuscript being found detailing what's happening is nice in theory, but detailing it to the point of spoiling the gamer an hour before the shocking thing is supposed to happen? That's too far.

And the plot twists ARE unimpressive. At one point there's a fake twist ending, meant to throw off the audience and create a sense of total confusion. I don't know if it's just my penchant for watching/reading psychological thrillers/horror, but it seemed really obvious from the start. I wasn't even surprised when it wasn't the real ending - the manuscript had made sure of that. Not to mention the televisions that turned on every once in a while to show Alan talking crazy talk (which didn't interest me until the fake ending, when he got really close to the camera and genuinely started to show more than just run of the mill "omg I'm writing a story and I'm trapped in this room and the story's coming to life" crazy.

Speaking of Alan, I know he's a writer and all? But there's no fucking need to narrate every little bit internally. "I KNEW BARRY WOULD BE OKAY AS LONG AS I LEFT HIM WITH A FLASHLIGHT. IT STILL DIDN'T STOP ME FROM WORRYING ABOUT HIM" is completely unnecessary while he's busy running for his life from Taken. I don't care about Barry. I don't care about Alice. I'm trying to get you to fucking survive, man. Do me a service and shut up. Not to mention his mind-blowing stupidity. "I'm in a tunnel where no one can possibly hurt me, let me run outside to check if someone's okay even though the plan is to meet up at the other side and since I'M the one in control of everything happening there's no way I could've written my best friend into a firey crash despite the warnings of the woman I've just spent three chapters searching for and could possibly just have doomed to a horrible death" = mind-blowing stupidity.

My last biggest beef with the game (besides everything) is the absolute lack of learning curve. I'm not a new gamer. I'm not a stranger to impossible situations in games. I love hard games, don't get me wrong. I prefer a challenge. But there's a difference between "difficult but fun" and "absolutely no fucking hope in the world to get out of this alive". In the end, when you're running for sweet life from about 1000 super-powered Taken with nothing but a flare and three pistol bullets? We've swiftly moved from "this is difficult but fun" to "if I can just make it past this one level I'll never curse again". The game ranges from moderately easy to mind-blowingly difficult, and switches from either difficulty without any warning.

This makes it very, VERY difficult to care about finishing, let me tell you.

All told, this game is nowhere near as fantastic as everyone says. It's got a lot of good ideas but it just fumbles every bit of the story-telling - ironic, considering it's about a story and a writer. While I didn't like it, I will admit it's an interesting little number to fuck around with, but after a while it gets repetitive, ridiculous and absolutely unbelievable. I didn't hate it enough to not play it again - but I've always been one to play things purely to underline the hate, so hey.

Overall, wait until it's used, if you get it at all. Seriously. It's a fun time-waster (after the first three chapters) but everything in-between the fun is too much to consider it a decent game.

let me put my punk in you.

Been thinking a lot about Daft Punk lately, so I thought I'd spread the love.

Watch this video. It's fucking amazing. The quality sucks though, sorry.


This is also kind of cool.


I really just threw this in here because I like it. Nothing to see, just listen.

NERD APPAREL OF THE WEEK.

Every Friday I will being doing a special post for NERD APPAREL OF THE WEEK. These can either be handmade items or things you can buy directly online.

I will also be taking submissions. See someone wearing something nerdy? Find it online? Send it to hubtastic@gmail.com.

This week's apparel?

This lovely image is printed on a shirt courtesy of BustedTees.com. Definitely one of my favorite Zelda shirts... as it's not completely riddled with images and/or black. Also, it totally says "IT'S DANGEROUS TO GO ALONE" on the bottom. Totally worth the price of 20 Rupees Bucks.

a look at pure terror: a few notes on the slender man.

There are only three things in life that scare (and I mean, viscerally, truly scare me): needles, mannequins, and the slender man.

Now, let me preface the rest of this entry by saying YES, I know where the slender man mythos originated, YES I know it's all fiction, YES I know that the last Marble Hornets entry was (41810ohgod) last month and in terms of the internet that means I'm way way later than fashionably. I would really appreciate it if everyone and their brother would refrain from mentioning any of these three things in their comments, because honestly, I've already heard it and I don't care.

If you're slow at everything forever like I am (or have a life beyond the internet, which is also plausible), you probably don't know what I'm talking about. What you need to do is click this link, go down to "Suggested Viewing Order", and stop reading this entry until you've successfully seen all of the Marble Hornets and totheark videos.

I know that the pictures and stories surrounding the Slender Man are all just as terrifying as the videos, but the videos... are definitely easier to connect to, for all people, that's for sure. I personally used to live surrounded by forests so this has a bit more of a personal visceral fear to it, especially where pictures are involved. There's no way I can possibly ever post all the good pictures and their matching stories (or horrifying lack-thereof, in some cases), so I'll give you a few links to start you off (there's nothing gory or anything): this post on Facepunch has a few of the more terrifying ones (especially the Steinmen forest pics ohgod - also, the missing images, just click on the box that says not to hotlink and it'll show you anyways); and here's the page specifically for the slender man (or, in MH canon, the Operator, but I'm using slender man throughout this post), including the Stirling Libraries pic.

Now that we've gotten all the obligatory links, it's time to get to the real heart of the matter: the slender man himself.

First, the pictures themselves. Each one is generally just a picture that someone subtly shooped the slender man into that is immediately rendered terrifying, provided you can find him. He's got tentacles, see, when he's not just looming around as an impossibly tall, faceless man(?) in a suit, and these tentacles generally make him look like a tree, so he's usually shooped into pictures of trees, making him nigh impossible to find - unless you're looking. As TV Tropes put it, it's a High Octane Nightmare Fuel version of Where's Waldo. (Guess what: he's in the pic up there, as well as the Operator symbol from Marble Hornets. Find the symbol first. Thanks to cazrolime on Twitter "finding it" on Getty.) Sometimes he's blatant, purely to make the cold fear of realization wash over the viewer, but sometimes... sometimes it's much, much more sinister than that.

The videos don't really need any explaining - watch them. I'm serious. If you ignored me before, I swear to god I will backhand you stop ignoring me now and go watch them. There's a certain ingenius beauty to the videos, with subtle little things here and there, while being the High Octane Nightmare Version: Hell Edition of Where's Waldo (that's the original game turned Up To Eleven, if you're playing the aptly-named "How Many TV Tropes Hints or Nods Fox Can Cram Into One Post" game at home - okay I'm done now seriously fuck), purely because every time the slender man appears, there's a visual tear in the film. This elevates the level of fear, simply by ensuring you begin thinking "oh fuck oh fuck oh no shit fuck" every time the tear appears. This gets even worse when the audio on the video is missing, and that happens a LOT in Marble Hornets (something, I think, really makes the entire thing as scary as it is).

Even without the videos, the slender man is still horrifying. What could possibly make something so obviously (at least, once you really begin searching for him on the internet) fictional so viscerally terrifying? This, which effectively sums up the next paragraph or two of this blog: "He only exists if you're thinking about him. Now try not to think about him."

That's right, ladies and gentlemen: THE POWER OF THE MIND. Normally all works of fiction rely on a certain amount of (at least) willing disbelief to get it to work, but the slender man takes this and amps it up to the point of being the exact reason the whole thing's so terrifying. To put it into perspective, this is a creature with tentacles/branch-like appendages that he(it) can pull out of fucking nowhere at will. This is a creature who is completely silent, but might be able to control your thoughts with its own - is at least capable of imprinting its demands on you. This is a creature who moves so fast that it usually isn't seen unless it wants to be -- not to mention, it may be capable of teleportation, and is quite capable of fucking around with everything near you, including the house you're exploring (check Entry #23 out for maximum understanding of that last bit). This is a creature who is only slowed/stopped/possibly seen through the lens of a camera/on film, and every single photographer/cameraman either turns up dead, disappears or is on the run. This is a creature who shows up around children, trees, fire, or an insidious mix of the three. It takes the guise of a man in a business suit with a bald, completely faceless head, and can at will grow and shrink in length, but he's always insidiously tall and slender. (And for the people where psychological has to meet physical horror somewhere: It has a penchant for stealing your organs, wrapping them in plastic bags, replacing them in your body and sticking it in the trees in a horrifying fashion. If he does at all.)

The slender man has no weakness. The slender man has no face. The slender man is always watching.

Now think about all of that, and, when coupled with the thought that purely by thinking about him you could create him, try not to cry when you wake up tonight in a cold sweat.

Yes, the slender man is fiction. Yes, he was created on the internet. That doesn't come to mind (or, if it does, it does weakly and never ends up helping) at night - in the dead of night, too, when it's the very epitome of pitch black outside -, when you're trying to tell yourself that the light is safe (it isn't), when you're all alone in the house (or are you?), when you're seriously giving thought to buying a camera just to make sure he doesn't come into the room when you're sleeping (record everything, or you won't remember).

This is where fear begins to cross from the fun into the very real -- the idea that thought alone can make the Slender Man a reality (and I cannot underline this enough). He exists the second someone starts thinking about him, and, rest assured, someone is always going to be thinking about him. And here's the real kicker: if he came into your room, late at night, you might not even remember the encounter (he has a nasty habit of erasing memories), or he's gone the second you turn on the light (see Hornets entry #14). He could be looming over you in a totally dark room and be gone the very second the light turns on and you wouldn't be the wiser.

This is what the horror industry should have more of (and I mean all across the board - games, movies, etc etc). Two dudes, a suit, 500$ and a camera is all it takes. They used visual tears, distortion, utter silence and the willingness of the audience to make the very critical horrifying realizations. Sure, the whole needlessly gory stuff can stay around. There are tons of people who like Saw purely for the gore, for example. But we need more of this sort of stuff around - psychological horror that is actually psychological and not just horror.

(Bonus points to anyone who caught both the pics in that last sentence of the pictures paragraph.)
((Also, to those counting, the final TV Tropes count was 4, only because I had to physically begin stopping myself from fetching the correct links.))
(((Also also, I'm so sorry this is so long, but I hope you enjoyed it.)))

Edit:
Have some more slender pics.
1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6

And here's a slender tumblr.

Happy Comic Book Day!

Alright, it's Wednesday guys. Here's a list of what I'm picking up, what might get left behind, and what I don't even want to look at:

DC:

Picking Up:

Gotham City Sirens #12

With the exception of one or two issues (i.e. the ones where Dini took a break from writing), this has been a solid book for me. This book reminds me of when I was in love with these ladies as a kid. Anyway, this issue supposedly follows Ivy's (probably horrible) decision to get a real life job. Pretty good character stuff, honestly. It breaks Ivy away from constantly being that slutty-evil-plant-lady. And no one likes flat characters (and Guillem March does not draw flat characters either. :|)

Green Lantern #54

This one looks like it follows Larfleeze and the Red Lanterns... and if you've been reading anything Lantern-y? You probably know those two are the most ridiculous of the "new" Lanterns and for me? The most fun to read. And Geoff Johns writes a hilarious Larfleeze. And you know? On occasion? I can deal without the angst and a few jokes in my comics.

Justice League Generation Lost #2 **PICK OF THE WEEK***

GUYS. If you did not read the first issue, freaking go do so. And then read the Justice League International volumes. This is great stuff and for me, the most interesting of the Brightest Day banner books. Maxwell Lord is just such a damn powerful/intriguing villain and the JLI members are some of the most entertaining reads. :D

Power Girl #12

Another just plain fun read. Also the last issue for the Palmiotti/Gray/Conner team. This book does a great job of showing that balance between superhero life and normal life... which is something I like to see. Plus, Amanda Conner's art is wonderful and she draws some of the best facial expressions I've ever seen. Ever.

What's getting left behind

Batman the Return of Bruce Wayne #2

Pilgrim Batman! Look guys, I know everyone is reading this book and it's the BIG THING right now? But I'm on a budget. And the first issue didn't really grab me. I'm sure I'll end up borrowing this or reading it later... but I'd rather spend my four bucks on Generation Lost. Or Taco Bell.

Justice League: The Rise of Arsenal

Aka LOOK HOW MUCH SHIT WE CAN THROW AT ROY HARPER. Not a fan of books written for shock value, and that's what this series has been doing. I really haven't been getting much out of it. Sorry.

Teen Titans #83

I used to read this series. I did. But then they got rid of every character I cared about on the team. ...Although this issue is supposed to bring back Superboy (*swoon*) and Kid Flash? I'm still not buying it. This book has ALSO been a shit storm of LET'S SEE HOW MUCH WE CAN TORTURE THESE CHARACTERS. And I know torturing characters is good for writing, but seriously... Other stuff goes in there, too.

MARVEL

((*note* I just started getting into Marvel, so I'll just talk about what I'm getting... since I'm not jaded enough to totally quit a series yet. ;D Also, everything I'm getting this week is first issue, so there's not much to base anything on. OH WELL. Maybe next week, Marvel guys.))

Dazzler #1

Love Dazzler, so naturally I'm excited for this. I'm just sad that it's apparently a one-shot.

Secret Avengers #1

This pretty much LOOKS like it's going to be awesome in a nice little package lead by Steve Rogers. That sounds like it couldn't go wrong, really. I also really like the idea of having the BIG FLASHY AVENGERS TEAM and then some secret ops. ♥

X-men Origins: Emma Frost

Okay yeah. Emma Frost is a bitch, sure. She's hated, yeah. But I find her interesting, so I'm picking this up.

And there's nothing from Image or Zuda this week (as I'm still trying to save money). Where do your opinions differ (as I'm sure they do)? Anything I'm missing out on? You know you want to help a lady out.

~♥

Shelley made me a liar.

But I came bearing pie.

Enjoy!

-fox

a few notes about bat romance.

1. We greatly enjoy this song a great deal. I stumbled upon it one day and began to spam Shells with it, which lead to the rise of the Kirkroll on Twitter. Just so you know. XD

2. We will sometimes be putting up rants/reviews/articles/whathaveyou from guests. If you'd like to be a guest, feel free to send us a note somewhere. We'd love to hear what you have to say.

3. Tomorrow I'll be acquiring Alan Wake, and I must say, I am SO excited about playing it. It looks like Silent Hill + Twin Peaks, and to me, that = awesome. I'm trading in Dante's Inferno for it - thank god. That game was an atrocity. Don't. EVER. Buy that game.

Tomorrow Shells'll be kicking off our blog with a weekly feature! Stay tuned.

Until then, see you all on the flipside.
-fox

It's the first post of an era.

Listen to the first few seconds of this. Pay attention to the creepy strings.



Now listen to this, and make sure to pay attention to the chorus. (It doesn't start for about 7 seconds - don't turn your speakers way up like I did. XD'')



-fox